It’s not quite four o’clock, yet completely dark. We’re still over a month away from the shortest day of the year. It’s been very overcast, rainy and dreary all day, and based on the 10 day forecast, we’ve got nine more days of this. I pulled out my sunlamp several days ago, so my window must be a bright glowing white contrast to look at from the outside. I learned far late into last year that this is just crucial to my survival here, the sunlamp. “Survival” is certainly a strong word and a lighthearted exaggeration. . . well, kind of. It makes a big difference and well worth the investment.
So, after three winters here including the un-toppable winter from hell from last year, I decided to start this one with a “Survival Plan.” It’s a little depressing, the very thought of living in the place that requires a plan to survive for nearly half of the year, but I’ve also learned that I need to face reality and acknowledge this reality and face it head on. My plan includes:
1. Healthy eating lifestyle. Right now, that means a very natural/organic/nothing processed diet. It’s pretty cliché and probably too idealistic to really do through the whole winter, but it’s really true: I feel a billion times happier when I eat very healthily
2. Exercising every morning (right after I have my coffee, of course). Nothing too intense, just some pilates, yoga or resistance bands.
3. Using my sunlamp whenever I’m using my computer, or for at least an hour or two a day.
4. Using a tanning bed, occasionally. Yeah, I know they’re not that good for you, but the thing is, neither is no UV whatsoever. I think in extreme moderation, like 10 minutes every week or every other week will be enough to make me feel like I was exposed to some light, but not so much that I will regret it with wrinkles later on.
5. Hopefully, hopefully, breaks from the Swedish winter. I don’t know how much we can travel right now with all of our unknowns, but I hope we can get away once in a while to a brighter/warmer climate at least a couple of times this winter.
6. Taking advantage of my nice hot sauna daily. There is nothing like feeling a little too hot, getting a little sweaty, listening to music, while watching the snow fall.
And, so far so good. I know it’s early on, but last November was probably my worst winter month over the last three years, so I know early on can be really rough. I have a five year journal, so each page is a specific date with space for five fairly short entries. Anyhow, I was reading what I wrote this time last year and it was along the lines of “note to self: you can not live in winters here forever. They suck.” In mid-November. So, this is why I have to do everything within my control to make the next months happy and manageable.
Which brings me to the the most obvious point to address: no, we have not made any decisions. Needless to say, it is very stressful and heavy. Another reason I am making conscious lifestyle changes: for my own mental health. I think all in all, we are handling it very well, but it’s still always there with us, in our thoughts and constantly in our conversations. I don’t even think we’re close to deciding. Neither of us has a strong opinion of which way to go, and actually, neither option feels that great. I know a lot of this is because the second option, the option to move back to the states, isn’t really an option. An option, in the sense, that there isn’t a literal job and a literal job offer…it’s all just theoretical. Maybe we could find one, maybe not. And all this would occur months after we say no to staying here, so that unknown variable is very unnerving. That doesn’t mean we won’t take that leap and that risk. We might. But, it just doesn’t feel that good right now. Maybe something will happen in the next few weeks that will make something just feel right. I don’t know what that would be, but I just want to feel good about whatever decision we make, even if it involves some unknowns. But, I do have a feeling that we won’t decide by the end of the month like we’d hoped: I think this will go down to the midnight hour, and most likely will be based on how we happen to be feeling in the end of December, since every logical way to decide with lists, budgets, family votes, etc, comes out to 50/50. Every time.
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